If the Holidays Are Hard-You Are Not Alone. Lets Prepare.

The holidays are often painted as a time of joy, connection, and togetherness. But for many people, they can also be emotionally exhausting, triggering, and deeply dysregulating. If you find yourself feeling more anxious, irritable, shut down, or on edge this time of year, there is nothing “wrong” with you.

There is context.

Why the Holidays Activate Us So Deeply

Many of us grow up in families where we are unconsciously assigned a role:

• The peacemaker

• The responsible one

• The emotional one

• The achiever

• The quiet one

• The one who doesn’t rock the boat

These roles often helped us survive emotionally growing up. They kept the system stable. The problem is that our families tend to keep seeing us through the lens of who we were, not who we’ve become.

So when we return home for the holidays, our nervous system isn’t just responding to the present moment — it’s responding to old expectations, old dynamics, and old emotional patterns.

You may have done years of growth. You may function very differently in your own home. You may communicate, think, and live in ways your family has never witnessed.

And yet, when you walk back into that space, the system may expect you to slide right back into the role you once played.

That mismatch alone can create anxiety, shame, anger, grief, or a sense of losing yourself.

When You Notice Yourself “Slipping,” That’s Awareness — Not Failure

If you notice yourself people-pleasing again. If you go quiet. If you feel reactive or defensive. If your body feels tense, frozen, or on high alert.

That isn’t regression.

That’s information.

The holidays often show us exactly where boundaries are needed, where healing is still tender, and where our nervous system needs more support. Noticing this is actually a powerful step — one that can guide what you work on in the new year.

Coping Skills for Travel, Flying, and Family Gatherings

When your nervous system is activated, logic won’t calm it — regulation will. Here are practical tools you can use in real time:

5-4-3-3-2-1 Grounding

Name:

• 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can feel

• 3 things you can hear

• 3 things you can smell

• 2 slow breaths

This brings you out of survival mode and back into the present.

Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 Hold for 4 Exhale for 4 Hold for 4 Repeat for 1–2 minutes

This is especially helpful when flying, sitting at the dinner table, or stuck in conversation.

Shake It Out: Gently shake your arms, legs, or hands for 30–60 seconds. Trauma and stress live in the body — movement helps discharge that energy.

Take a Walk: Stepping outside, even briefly, can reset your nervous system and give you space to breathe, think, and feel without being observed.

These aren’t avoidance tools — they’re regulation tools. You’re allowed to care for yourself.

Boundaries, Change, and the Fear of Being Seen

There is no shame in who you’ve become. There is no shame in how you think, feel, or function now.

But we live in a politically and religiously charged world, and for many families, change feels threatening. When you no longer fit the old narrative, it can trigger defensiveness or criticism — not because you’re wrong, but because the system is uncomfortable adapting.

You are not required to explain yourself to feel valid. You are allowed to choose what you share and what you protect. Boundaries don’t mean rejection — they mean clarity.

And yes, learning to express boundaries with family can be incredibly hard, especially when old dynamics resurface. That’s why support matters.

After the Holidays: Processing Is Essential

The impact of the holidays doesn’t end on December 26th. You may even feel the effects of the "coming down" until after the new year so lets prepare.

Journaling, talking with trusted friends, leaning into your support system, or seeking mental health support after the holidays can help you:

• Process what came up

• Understand your triggers

• Strengthen boundaries

• Integrate who you are now with where you came from

You don’t have to carry it alone.

You Are Not Alone

If the holidays feel heavy, overwhelming, or lonely — you are not broken. If you’re navigating family dynamics while trying to honor your growth — you are not failing. And if you need support — it exists, and you deserve it.

This season can be a mirror, not a verdict. A moment of awareness, not a setback.

Be gentle with yourself. Your nervous system is doing its best — and help is always allowed. Please reach out today for a therapist, if my page does not speak to you but this blog does that is OK. I am happy to work with you to find the right fit.