Dying a Slow Death from Lack of Boundaries

As a therapist, I’ve sat with many people who have quietly wondered if life is even worth continuing—not because they want to die, but because they are exhausted. Truly, bone-deep exhausted. Not from one moment or one crisis, but from years—sometimes decades—of being the caretaker, the problem-solver, the emotional sponge for everyone around them.

Think of the child who watched her mother being abused and stepped into the role of protector far too young. She grows up and chooses jobs where she cares for people professionally, all while still managing the chaos and conflict in her family of origin. Over time, she becomes tired—so tired—from having her boundaries violated again and again. And often she doesn’t even realize that’s what’s happening. She just knows she’s drowning.

Here’s the truth that stings: The problem often lies within ourselves.

We assume people know our boundaries. We assume people have the same idea of “common sense” that we do. We assume they can see when we’re overwhelmed, depleted, or hurting. We saw our mother hurting and we jumped in as a child so why can't others see us right?

Wrong. They usually can’t. And honestly? Most people have very little idea of what healthy boundaries even are. So they blow right past them without a second thought because we live in a society riddled with unhealthy boundaries, that is why corporate America exists after all. Blow past boundaries and work harder, miss another game of your kids, miss another date night with your spouse and attend another event where you smooze until you feel sick all for the sake of progress and money. If we can't do boundaries in our own homes, with people we love, we sure as hell won't do them outside in society.

Seeing the repercussions day in and day out in my office is why I am so passionate about helping people find their voice. This is one of the reasons I love therapy. It gives people the language, the permission, and the tools to communicate their feelings clearly so assumptions stop running the show! We give you confidence in WHO you are because we give you a safe space to explore without judgement or defensiveness.

Boundaries require communication—real, direct, sometimes uncomfortable communication. And we have to be willing to educate others about who we are, what we need, and what harms us.

But for so many people, this is terrifying.

“If I tell my mom that her constant complaining drains me, she’ll blow up. She’ll guilt me. It’ll turn into a whole thing. I can’t do that.”

I hear versions of this all the time.

And I understand the fear—of conflict, of rejection, of hurting someone else’s feelings. But here’s the darker truth we don’t like to acknowledge:

Many people choose to kill themselves—literally or figuratively—by avoiding conflict.

They abandon their own needs. They silence their own voice. They carry burdens that were never theirs to begin with.

They suffer for years, not because they must, but because they believe there is no other option.

Our society has a deep, pervasive avoidance of conflict, and it contributes to the epidemic of depression, burnout, and suicidality we see today. When boundaries are never expressed, they are always violated. When people never learn who we are or what we need, they will keep taking, assuming, and stepping into spaces that hurt us.

Teaching boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Communicating your limits isn’t cruel—it’s clarity. Advocating for yourself isn’t conflict—it’s care.

And if you’ve spent your whole life without boundaries, here’s the good news: It’s never too late to start.

Your well-being depends on it. Your future depends on it. Maybe even your life depends on it.