Inner Child Purge: Facing the Five-Year-Old Within

I recently went through a box of childhood things, and the experience stirred something deep in me—a pit in my stomach that felt like it needed to be purged. As I sifted through old memories, I was immediately catapulted back to being that five-year-old version of myself.

I saw myself on the couch with a sliver in my big toe, a moment that felt monumental at the time. I remember crying, gagging, and being physically overwhelmed while someone tried to remove it, others held me, and my grandparents hovered nearby. I could even hear a parent's voice from those early years, telling me he would pay me if I stopped chewing my fingernails, any attempt from my parents to quiet the endless displays of anxiety that I showed but they never understood what was happening with me. All of it came rushing back in that box—the somatic experience of being completely undone, of feeling unsafe and needing to release, to purge.

The memories weren’t just nostalgic; they were visceral. I felt the sobbing, the anxiety, the compulsive nail-chewing—the physical imprint of that little girl who endured so much. And yet, alongside this emotional flood, I also saw her brilliance, resilience, and creativity. Flipping through a journal I wrote in 1998, I was reminded of the amazing mind of that young girl and how much she had to overcome.

But there’s also a void. The memories in that box fade after fourth grade, around the time my mother stopped being a mom in the ways I needed. That’s when I started parenting her and navigating life without her steady presence. The freedom, wonder, and creativity of my childhood gave way to chores, responsibilities, and survival. Unless I was at a friend’s house or with my grandparents, I had to serve a purpose rather than just be.

If this resonates with you, I recommend seeking support through a somatic therapist or coach, someone who can help you physically and emotionally step into these moments: to cry, scream, gag, or purge as that little child, while being held and supported by the adult in the room, the adult your inner child needed but didn't have.

Peter Levine and the principles of somatic experiencing explain this as a process of discharging stuck trauma from the body, but I feel the need to bring it to life personally. This is the kind of deep, primal work I wish I could offer more fully to my clients—a safe room to completely release unbridled emotion and reconnect with the self in ways words alone cannot.

As a therapist, I am constantly guiding others through these journeys, but I am also walking this path myself. It’s uncharted territory at times, and it’s both humbling and empowering. The work is messy, it’s raw, and it’s transformative. And I am learning that sometimes, the most powerful healing happens when we allow ourselves to be that little person again—seen, held, and free to purge what we’ve carried for decades.

Inner Child Reflection Exercise

This exercise is a gentle way to connect with your inner child and process emotions safely:

1. Create a Safe Space: Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be interrupted. Have a blanket, pillow, or stuffed animal nearby—something that feels comforting.

2. Visualize Your Younger Self: Close your eyes and picture yourself at a specific age where you felt vulnerable or deeply emotional. See the environment, what you were wearing, and how your body felt.

3. Allow Emotional Expression: Give yourself permission to cry, scream, writhe, or move however your body wants. You can use journaling, drawing, or even talking aloud. No judgment—this is just release.

4. Provide Support: Imagine an adult version of yourself holding and comforting this younger version. Offer reassurance, love, and safety. You are the adult your younger self needed.

5. Reflect and Journal: After the session, write down what came up—thoughts, emotions, body sensations. Note any insights, but don’t censor yourself.

6. Integrate Gradually: Take your time coming back to the present moment. Practice self-care afterward—rest, tea, a warm shower, or gentle movement.

This is a small but powerful step toward healing and integrating your inner child, allowing yourself to release what’s been stuck and reclaim parts of yourself that were silenced.